THE LEFSETZ LETTER: Dinosaurs On The Road

KISS

Cannot tour again. They reunited. Did a stadium farewell tour with the original band. They've said goodbye so many times I can't keep the RETIREMENTS straight. Why does anybody want to see them before they go ANYWAY, they SUCK!

Kiss was a band for those too young to participate in the sixties. "Rock And Roll All Nite" is a great anthem, and I even like the makeup-less "Lick It Up", but will someone please inform Gene Simmons that nobody really cares (and he's not as smart as he thinks he is?)

I believe only KISS tribute acts should be allowed to survive. And that Gene should authorize each and every one and take fifty percent of their action. I have no problem with this guy making money just so long as I don't have to HEAR ABOUT IT!

Take the band members, and all their memorabilia, and put them in KISS Kaskets and bury them. Society will be grateful.


Bob Lefsetz, Santa Monica-based industry legend, is the author of the e-mail newsletter, "The Lefsetz Letter". Famous for being beholden to no one, and speaking the truth, Lefsetz addresses the issues that are at the core of the music business: downloading, copy protection, pricing and the music itself.

His intense brilliance captivates readers from Steven Tyler to Rick Nielsen to Bryan Adams to Quincy Jones to music business honchos like Michael Rapino, Randy Phillips, Don Ienner, Cliff Burnstein, Irving Azoff and Tom Freston.

Never boring, always entertaining, Mr. Lefsetz's insights are fueled by his stint as an entertainment business attorney, majordomo of Sanctuary Music's American division and consultancies to major labels.

Bob has been a weekly contributor to CelebrityAccess and Encore since 2001, and we plan many more years of partnership with him. While we here at CelebrityAccess and Encore do not necessarily agree with all of Bob's opinions, we are proud to help share them with you.

Paul McCartney

Can only go on the road if he DOESN'T play the hits. Weren't the Beatles the band that invented the concept of the album cut TO BEGIN WITH?

Sure, play some obscure Beatle chestnuts.

But I'd be fine if Paul just whipped out some solo classics. Like "Letting Go", "Mamunia", "Warm and Beautiful", "Teddy Boy", "Big Barn Bed"… Can the man stop giving us what he thinks everyman is looking for and do SOMETHING for his fans? I don't care if he performs these numbers in an arena, but he must be prevented from flashing the peace/victory sign all the goddamn time.

Lou Reed

Can only go out with the "Rock N Roll Animal" band.

ELO

One tour of small halls. Let us see it live and then put it to rest.

But, before they get it back together, can they give us one MOVE tour? With Roy Wood and the original "Do Ya", "California Man" and "Message From The Country"?

Tom Petty

Can keep on touring. Keep on doing what he's doing. But he can't do any more movie soundtracks or concept albums.

Chicago

Cannot go back on the road until they reunite with Peter Cetera.

Mike Love

Must be made to spend eternity in hell with Gene Simmons. But, before he leaves, he CAN go on the road, but only as Mike Love, WITHOUT the Beach Boys moniker. See how many people are interested THEN Mike!

Earth, Wind & Fire

Without Maurice White, they can't tour under this name.

The Dead

Just call it the Grateful Dead again, won't you? And hire a hot guitarist like Derek Trucks to fill in for Jerry. Please, give these ex-Deadheads something to do!

Phish

Should announce a Great Went-type festival for 2008. So everybody can tolerate and get off the back of Trey Anastasio in the meantime.

Bob Dylan

Must sings his songs faithfully again. This is the greatest ruse of all time. This is the emperor's new clothes incarnate. Sure, we love the words, but if you want to lay down new grooves, why don't you write some good new lyrics?

Simon & Garfunkel

Can go on the road only if they play small halls and tickets are under $100.

U2

Can only tour if they have no new albums. Please, can't we just call this the nostalgia it is?

The Rolling Stones

Can only play theatres. And can't play "Satisfaction". Or "Start Me Up". They can charge what they want, but at least half of the set has to be comprised of songs that were never singles. AND, they must bring Mick Taylor back.

Neil Young

Can keep on doing what he's doing.

Yes

Can keep on doing what they're doing, but only with the original "Fragile" band. That means with Rick Wakeman and hopefully Bill Bruford (but we'll tolerate Alan White). The reason they get a pass is ONLY fans care.

REO Speedwagon

Must tour with Gary Richrath.

Journey

Can't be on the road using this name without Steve Perry.

Aerosmith

Must tour playing complete albums. First year, "Rocks". Then, "Toys In The Attic". Finally, "Get Your Wings". After that, they'll be so rich and so old that they can do what they want, if anything at all. (They can play other hits at the show, but must play the album involved in order, note for note, except for added solos.)

Jimmy Buffett

MUST keep on doing what he's doing. Otherwise the summer concert business will implode.

Garth Brooks

Must either shit or get off the pot. Either go on the road or stop teasing us and truly retire.

The Eagles

Can't release a new record. Solo work is okay, but it can't comprise more than a quarter of the live show.

They're the living Beatles, and we don't want the image tarnished with new, substandard work.

Page & Plant

Can't reunite ANYWHERE without John Paul Jones.

Pink Floyd

MUST go on the road. This is the number one band EVERYBODY wants to see. It must be a stadium tour. Tickets must be under $100 so all the kids under twenty who want to see the band can.

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